Jestti

Overthinking and sitting in negative thoughts is a common struggle among us all.  Negative rumination is such a trap and our brains are SO good at it.  I feel like I’ve spent most of my life struggling there.

Humans are geared to consider the negative.  Customer service workers will tell you they get FAR more complaints than compliments.  The news/social media loves to focus on negative things.  Gossip is all about whispering about the negative.  Why?  Because our brains want to hear it.  The negative always gets more attention.

Negative events will hijack our minds a lot longer than positive ones.  The same is true for our negative interactions with others.  Do you sit and think about how you wish you would have said things differently?  Or maybe done something differently?  Or just kept your mouth shut in the first place?  That’s me!

Some of the things I’ve done to help get out of the negative overthinking:

• Ask for clarification.  In my experience, when I ask the person to explain what they meant or get more information about the seemingly negative thing, many times my assumptions were wrong.  And that saves me from hours of negative ruminating.
• Have self-awareness.  Some people don’t even realize their brain is set to auto-negative thoughts.  When you find yourself overthinking about all the negative, stop and recognize it.  Call it out.  Notice how it’s making you feel.  If you’re anything like me, it’s most likely affecting your mood and physical health.
• Try to assume the best of the person.  Take the negative assumptions captive and replace them with positive assumptions.  Even if the positive assumptions end up being not true, when I do this I have less stomach aches in the long run.
• Step back and look at the BIG picture.  Will the fact that someone parked in your favorite parking spot still be an issue next year?  Someone didn’t like the food you brought to potluck – will that really be a big deal in 5 years?  Probably not.
• Pray for the person/situation and speak blessings over them.  I’ve found that I need to go somewhere by myself and pray the blessings OUTLOUD.  Repeatedly.  It’s like my ears need to hear the words being spoken in order for my brain to believe them.  And the more I pray, the more God gives me a heart for that person, and He then reveals more truth to me.
• Talk to a trustworthy person who will speak truth to you and give you a different perspective.  I’m learning that healthy processing is so good and so necessary.  This does NOT mean run around to everyone and gossip.  There’s a difference.
• Journal about your negative thoughts.  Get them out of your head and onto paper.  Then re-read them and try to turn them into positive thoughts.  Can you not stop thinking about how you are going to fail miserably on your work project?   Flip that bad boy on its side and start telling yourself, “I’m going to try my best.”
• Do something that consumes a lot of your brain activity.  Watch an intense movie/show with family/friends.  Listen to a light-hearted podcast.  Read a novel that really sucks you in.  If you don’t have time to sit and read, learn to listen to audio books.  Research something you enjoy that has nothing to do with the negative thing your brain is obsessing about.
• WORK OUT.  It’s such a simple thing but it’s so important.  Our negative thoughts can get “stuck” in our bodies and we need to move to get them out.
• Sometimes I’ll take time to dive into something my kids enjoy.  I don’t naturally tend to do this, so when I’m ruminating on the negative I’ll force myself to jump into one of my kids’ hobbies/interests with them.  It takes a lot of my brain power to concentrate on being present with them in this thing they enjoy.  This gives my brain a break from thinking about negative things and my child gets my undivided attention.  Win win!
• Read/memorize/dwell on scripture that talks about God’s sovereignty.  When I’m resting in the truth that He is in control and He is God over the person/situation, then my mind calms down a bit.  Plus it takes some brain power to memorize those verses – brain power is better used on scripture memorization than negative overthinking.
• Sometimes negative ruminating comes from judging others.  Study up on your identity in Christ – know who you are and who they are.  Rest in those truths.
• Stop and really do some praying and serious internal soul-searching.  Ask yourself the hard questions:  Why did that behavior/situation trigger me?  Why is my brain still thinking about it?  

“Search me, O God, and know my heart.  Try me and know my thoughts.  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”   Psalm 139:23-24

• Stop watching the news for awhile.  Curate your social media feeds so that you’re more likely to see positive things, rather than all negative.  This has been HUGE for me.

• Keep a gratitude diary.
• Get help.  It is NEVER wrong to schedule some sessions with a licensed counselor or therapist. 

Originally written for https://healinghilary.wordpress.com/2022/10/17/ruminating/