Jestti

You hear it in songs, you see it in movies, you hear it from others as they watch you struggle with your children. “You’re going to miss this!”

And you know what?

I don’t like it.

Whether we realize it or not, there is a weighty guilt tied to those comments. “You’re going to miss this!” So what are you saying? I should suck it up and pretend to enjoy all this hard crap? Are you saying I’m not allowed to be tired or have a difficult time because my kids are still little and cute? Ugh, those types of sentiments leave me feeling horrible for struggling.

You know what? Motherhood is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Ever. Period.

• Those long months/years of not being able to conceive? Hard.
• The miscarriage after finally conceiving? Hard.
• The horrifying birth stories other women tell you while you are pregnant? Hard.
• Labor and delivery? Hard.
• Not getting any sleep when you have a newborn? Hard.
• When your 1 year old “paints” the crib with their poop? Hard.
• When your toddler starts a fire in the kitchen while trying to pop popcorn (while you are helping your 6 year old in another room)? Hard.
• When your daughter has a sleepover and one kid pukes on everyone’s sleeping bags and another kid falls and needs to go to the ER? Hard.
• When your child gets bullied? Hard.
• When your child is the bully? Hard.
• When your teen struggles with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts? HARD.

Motherhood is hard. And I can honestly say that there are things about it that I will never miss. And that’s okay. It’s healthy. Do I miss those days of baby snuggles and toddler giggles? Of course I do! But when I look at my adult children doing life…I don’t want to miss that. I want to be right there for them, cheering them on from the sidelines. I don’t want to spend my time longing for the past and wishing I could go back and then missing the moment that is right in front of me.

Young Mamas. Hang in there. You are doing a hard and sometimes thankless job. But it’s SO worth it. Do your best to be present in the moments and enjoy the fun things and work through the hard. The more present and intentional you are in those moments, the less likely you are to spend your whole future yearning for the past. If you are going through something hard, reach out. Chances are, there are other moms around you who have been there and know what you are going through. Don’t isolate yourself.

Older Mamas. Please, please stop saying, “You’re going to miss this!” Moms already instinctually know this and saying it to them only piles on more guilt. Instead, validate their struggle. If a young mom is talking about how tired she is, offer to watch her kids while she takes a much-needed nap. Bring her a meal. Give her a hug. Check in on that mom with 4 teens in her home. She is probably barely hanging on with all the guilt that society throws at her.

Motherhood is hard. Every single stage has difficult things. But every stage also has amazing things. Motherhood is so beautiful and so worthy of walking through. And it’s SO much better to walk through it surrounded by other loving moms in every stage of motherhood.

We need each other. I hope you have other moms walking with you because it can be too much to bear alone.